A heartfelt letter to single folks this Valentine’s Day

Dear Single,

Ah, it’s Valentine’s Day. That time of the year when love is in the air, and most of us singles are just trying to breathe through the suffocating cloud of romance.

Everywhere you look, couples are holding hands, restaurants are offering ‘exclusive couple discounts’ (rude), and your inbox is flooded with sales on heart-shaped nonsense you did not ask for. As if that was not enough, ecommerce platforms too have joined the chaos, pushing the ‘Singles Mode’ for solo shoppers, like it’s some kind of VIP club. 

Valentine’s Day wasn’t always about candlelit dinners and heart-shaped balloons. The origins of this holiday are murky, but some say it traces back to St Valentine, a priest who defied imperial orders by secretly marrying couples. Others believe it stems from Lupercalia, an ancient Roman festival involving, well… rituals far less glamorous than overpriced roses. 

So, if you’re feeling left out of the modern spectacle, just remember—the original version of this day was far from curated Instagram moments that make you feel excluded.

You’re not alone in feeling this way. I’ve had countless clients sit across from me and confess that Valentine’s Day makes them question themselves in ways they usually don’t. 

Ananya*, a fiercely independent woman who loves her solo travels, told me last year, “I have a great life, but on this one day, I feel like I’m standing outside a party I wasn’t invited to.” 

Rohan*, who usually shrugs off relationship talk, admits, “I don’t even want a relationship right now, but somehow, seeing my feed flooded with #CoupleGoals makes me feel like I’m falling behind.”

And then there’s Sanya*, who thought she was over her ex until Valentine’s Day came around. “I was doing great,” she says, “but suddenly, I was back to stalking their profile, wondering if they were celebrating with someone new.” 

This day has a way of stirring up emotions, even those we thought we had packed away.

But here’s the thing—and I feel I have to reiterate this a few times—love isn’t limited to the candlelit dinners and overpriced bouquets that folks are flaunting on reels these days. Well, have you ever even seen it in real? 

Because, hey, love is also in the friendships that make you laugh until you can’t breathe. It’s in the quiet joy of sipping coffee on a peaceful morning. It doesn’t have to be about your partner alone; love is also hugging your dog (cat, if you’re lucky). It’s in the care you show yourself when you choose rest over burnout. Love is already present in your life, and Valentine’s Day is just as much yours to celebrate as it is anyone else’s.

So, let’s flip the script. Instead of letting this day make you feel lacking, what if you made it your own? Here’s how:

Treat yourself like you would a partner

Think about all the ways you’d pamper a significant other—kindness, thoughtful gestures, little surprises. Now, turn that energy inward. 

Buy yourself flowers, cook a fancy meal, or write yourself a love letter. 

One of my clients, Meera*, started taking herself out for a Valentine’s dinner every year. “At first, it felt odd,” she admits, “but now, I genuinely look forward to it. I order dessert without sharing, and I toast to myself.” 

And if self-pleasure is on your self-care list, well, go ahead and make it a night to remember.

Create a new tradition

Valentine’s doesn’t have to be about what you lack—it can be about what you choose to celebrate. Try Galentine’s—Valentine’s edition for single girls. 

It’s not just for people who are single, but your committed friends can join in for a bit too. 

Or do what Akhil* does—he turned February 14 into his personal adventure day, travelling solo every year. “I refuse to sit at home feeling bad for myself. Instead, I book a trip, explore a new city, and remind myself that life is bigger than relationship status,” he says.

Protect your peace

Step away from social media if scrolling through endless couple posts makes you feel worse. Log off. 

Rohan* deleted his social apps on February 13 and reinstalled them on the 15th. “It was a game-changer,” he says. “I didn’t waste time comparing my life to a curated version of someone else’s.” 

Instead of consuming content that drains you, immerse yourself in something that uplifts you—listen to a feel-good playlist, read a book, or spend time with people who remind you how loved you already are.

Give love to others

Love isn’t just about receiving—it’s also about giving. Simran*, a teacher, started volunteering at an animal shelter on Valentine’s Day. “Seeing those dogs wag their tails, giving them love, and receiving it back? It filled me in a way no date ever could,” she says.  

Acts of kindness—whether it’s writing heartfelt messages to friends, surprising a family member with a small gift, or simply reaching out to someone who might be feeling the same way as you are—can shift your focus from absence to abundance.

Perfection is a myth

Remember that not all couples have it perfect, not all relationships are a Nicholas Sparks novel. For every couple planning a grand date, there’s another locked in a passive-aggressive battle over who forgot to make a dinner reservation. Some are in relationships just for the sake of not being single. Others are celebrating together but feeling more alone than ever. At least you’re not stuck pretending to enjoy an overpriced, underwhelming set menu at a crowded restaurant.

Take the pressure off

Like birthdays, Valentine’s Day isn’t universally joyful. Some people feel indifferent. Some feel downright miserable. And that’s okay. The truth is, it’s not just couples putting pressure on singles; it’s also big corporations that profit off our emotions. The whole industry thrives on making you feel like you need to participate. Recognising this can help take half the weight off your shoulders.

And if you do want romantic love, that’s okay too. There’s no shame in desiring connection. But waiting for love doesn’t mean you have to put your happiness on hold. Your life is happening now—and it’s worth celebrating, with or without a partner.

So, this Valentine’s Day, I hope you remember this: You are not lacking. You are not behind. You are whole, just as you are. And love? Love is already all around you.

With Love (not in a corny way),

Ruchi.

*Name changed to protect identity.

Ruchi Ruuh is a counselling psychologist specialising in love, relationships, and mental well-being.